Rapid beverage consumption device

A rapid fluid dispensing apparatus comprising:

• a. A forestock, said forestock further comprising:
• i. A barrel;
• ii. A slide, placed in non-stationary communication with said barrel, so as to permit the slide to move along at least a portion of said barrel in a direction co-axial thereto;
• iii. A first piercer attached by a first end to the slide, said first piercer having a pointed second end, and said first piercer arranged such that said first end and said pointed second end are substantially co-axial to the direction of movement of said slide and said second pointed end is in the direction of a container receiver suitable for receiving a beverage container, said pointed second end of said first piercer arranged such that it may be extended forcibly into said container receiver to puncture a beverage container therein;
• b. A handle assembly;
• c. A second piercer disposed inside said handle assembly in a non-stationary mechanical attachment thereto;
• d. Said handle assembly in mechanical communication with said container receiver such that said second piercer may be moved forcibly into said container receiver for puncturing a beverage container therein;
• e. A mouthpiece;
• f. An internal flowpath providing fluid communication between said container receiver and said mouthpiece
• g. At least one vent.